fml

so i had a long talk with my mother tonight. she basically made me feel like a huge financial burden and said they didn't know whether treatment was worth the money or not. and she kept saying, "what are you going to do if you stay in mag (transitional living)? get a part-time job?" and she told me that all the support she and my dad gave me on friday was only because they felt backed into a corner and had to make a decision without having all the information.

i don't even know what to do with myself. part of me wants to go home and go to school so that i can run again. the other part of me knows that i really need to stay here and get some recovery behind me. my parents think that there won't be any difference between going back to school in february and going back to school in june. i just feel like i'm at the end of my rope, and i wish i were a "real adult" who was completely financially independent so that i could make my own decisions. i can't wait until i finish school so that i can move out to tulsa and do what i want when i want to.

love all you beautiful ladies. keep your heads up, and stay strong <3